Day 76

My mood seems to match the weather today... Poor Holden is still having a rough time. He's been waking up in pain and screaming all night and morning. He had one short period where he seemed to be in better spirits, but that didn't last long. For the most part, he's inconsolable. He's throwing up again today, and we've stopped his feeds completely. One of the doctors thinks it's pancreatitis again, which could also explain the oxygen sats dropping. We're going to do an extra set of labs to see what his amylase and lipase counts are... While we wait to find out the results of that, he's getting morphine to make him more comfortable.

I really, really hope we're wrong, and it's not pancreatitis. That's the most likely guess right now, but if that's what it is, it's a huge setback. We've been in here for so many holidays already, and our anniversary is tomorrow. (Everybody keeps asking what we're going to do to celebrate... I can only respond with a blank look... What can we do? We have to be here with Holden... Maybe we'll get the hospital cafeteria to make us something super special. :) Holden's birthday is 2/2, and I was really kind of hoping that we'd be home by then, or at least on our way, but I knew that was more of a dream than anything. It's so depressing to think of more time being added on to what we've already spent in here, but it's even more depressing to watch my poor little man in pain and not be able to fix it. Hopefully, we can figure something out quickly... I'm ready for my happy boy to come back!

(I'm editing this an hour after I wrote it to add that I'm really not as bitter as this post makes me sound... We have a lot to be thankful for, and we are so thankful. Sometimes the frustration just gets to me, that's all.)

(And I'm editing this again this afternoon to add that the lab tests came back, and the numbers don't look like pancreatitis. This is both a good and bad thing... It's good because pancreatitis is maddeningly frustrating to deal with and resolve, as those of you who have been reading from the beginning may remember. I am so thankful that we don't have to deal with all of that yet again. However, it's a bad thing as well, because now we still don't know what's wrong. We're all stumped. I guess we should get used to this feeling, since Holden is consistently confusing us. It's like a game of medical Clue, and it sucks!)